


Light At The End Of The Tunnel

by Heather_Night



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Coma, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Deran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 20:03:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16002296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heather_Night/pseuds/Heather_Night
Summary: Deran didn’t think it was a surprise to anyone that he liked to be in control.His brothers knew it and liked to mock him for it.Smurf knew it and used it to manipulate him.Adrian knew it and didn’t make a big deal about it.  Sometimes went along with it.  Maybe even liked it at times.  Of course, at the most crucial juncture in their relationship Adrian hadn’t given Deran the control he craved and look at where they were now.





	Light At The End Of The Tunnel

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a spoiler...one of these players doesn't make it out alive in this fic but it isn't Deran or Adrian. Please go to the End Notes if you can't read this until you've satisfied your curiosity about the major character death.
> 
> Here's a shout out to those of you, here and on Tumblr, who share their creations and ideas when it comes to this ship. You are awe inspiring!
> 
> Oh, and I should mention there are a couple of sexy times scenes. If you think I need to bump up the rating please let me know. I even tried my hand at something new and the characters didn't want to cooperate but I made them.

Deran didn’t think it was a surprise to anyone that he liked to be in control. 

His brothers knew it and liked to mock him for it.

Smurf knew it and used it to manipulate him.

Adrian knew it and didn’t make a big deal about it. Sometimes went along with it. Maybe even liked it at times. Of course, at the most crucial juncture in their relationship Adrian hadn’t given Deran the control he craved and look at where they were now.

Not now as in sitting in the ER waiting room, but now as in Adrian barely avoiding jail time and not telling Deran what the fuck was going on either with his court case or in his head.

It was driving Deran batshit crazy.

Deran heard someone coming and he looked up; he could not believe his fucking luck. This was something beyond his control and he didn’t like it one bit. 

_Clark ‘Linc’ Lincoln was the nurse working in the ER right now and he was walking their way._

“Deran, hi. And, um, I’m sorry, what was your name, Deran’s surfer boy? What brings you two to the ER?” Linc stared down at them where they sat in the uncomfortable plastic chairs, Deran cradling his broken arm to his chest and Adrian holding an icepack to his head.

Deran tried to catch Adrian’s eye but the guy was checking the time on his cell phone.

Clearing his throat, Deran ignored Linc’s slight and made eye contact with the nurse. “We had a collision on our surfboards. My arm met Adrian’s head.”

“Huh, I thought pro surfers were more agile than that.” Linc quirked an eyebrow. “Let’s see.” He gently took Deran’s forearm in his hands. “Ortho is going to want an x-ray. What about you, surfer boy?”

Deran thought about shutting Linc down—it might be okay if Deran called Adrian his surfer boy but no one else—except his arm ached so bad he was dizzy with it.

Adrian rested his cell phone on his thigh and looked up, squinting. “My head is pretty hard so I think I’ll take my chances.” He turned to Deran. “I can’t miss my meeting. Craig’s on his way, said he’d pick you up.”

“Hey, I’m pretty sure you blacked out for a few seconds. You should let them check you over, too.” Deran’s heart had been in his throat after they collided and Adrian’s body went boneless, and not in a good way.

Then bile had been in his throat as the pain from his broken arm had fought past the adrenaline. 

Fortunately, Adrian had shaken off the hit pretty quickly. Deran wasn’t sure he could’ve towed him in with his arm messed up but he would’ve done his best.

“I’ve got to go. Text me?” Adrian crinkled his nose as he looked at Deran’s arm. “Have Craig text me.”

Adrian needed to meet with his probation officer and although Deran was pretty sure the guy would reschedule he could understand why his boyfriend didn’t want to do that. He didn’t have to like it though. “Okay. See you at home.”

Standing up, Adrian reached down and squeezed the shoulder of Deran’s uninjured arm and then left, ignoring Linc. After Linc’s ‘surfer boy’ comments, Deran didn’t blame him.

“What the hell, man?” Deran frowned at Linc but his words lacked heat. He had to be feeling pretty crummy if he wasn’t sticking up for Adrian. Lately it seemed as though he’d made that his life’s mission.

Too bad Adrian wasn’t getting with the program.

That was a topic for a different time. A time when he wasn’t woozy.

Shrugging his shoulders, Linc smiled at Deran but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Seems as though he’s good at looking out for himself so I wouldn’t worry about him. Now let’s get you back to an exam room.”

Deran was a possessive guy but seeing it on someone else, if that’s what this was, was really unattractive. He was going to have to work really hard to curb his tendencies.

He forgot about Linc’s issues with Adrian, and Deran’s concerns about Adrian, when his arm jostled as he rose to his feet.

Broken bones sucked.

-0-

Someone knocked on the door. Hard.

Deran untangled himself from Adrian, rolling off the couch, wincing as he jarred his arm. He frowned at the still sleeping Adrian; they’d both been awake for most of the night but Adrian, usually a light sleeper, didn’t even twitch at the noise.

Awarding himself yet another point for being a good boyfriend, Deran staggered toward the door.

_Pound, pound, pound._

“Jesus, okay already, I’m coming.” Deran muttered, still being quiet although how Adrian could sleep through the racket was anyone’s guess. He opened the door and squinted, having to lift his chin to make eye contact with the guy.

Deran didn’t recognize him. The man had dark hair and a craggy, but attractive face. He was maybe twenty years older, more than forty pounds heavier and six inches taller. “Can I help you?”

“I’m here to see Adrian Dolan.” The guy folded his arms over his chest, biceps flexing alarmingly.

“And you are?” Deran wasn’t going to let some random guy into their place. Especially someone inquiring after Adrian.

His boyfriend had enough on his plate at the moment.

The guy’s eyebrows rose. “Frank Boomer.”

Adrian’s sleepy voice moved closer. “Is someone at the door?”

“Dolan, it’s Boomer. Tell your guard dog to let me in.” Whoever Boomer was, he had an attitude. And he seemed to know Adrian.

“Deran, that’s my PO. Please let him in.” Adrian didn’t sound particularly nervous at the moment but if this was his probation officer, he could understand why his boyfriend was jumping through hoops to make him happy. He looked like a hard ass.

Deran swung the door open and motioned him in. He didn’t know what social protocol was so he erred on the side of polite, sticking his hand out. “Deran Cody.”

The guy looked at Deran’s hand as though he was thinking about not shaking it but then he reached out and squeezed it. Deran had worried the guy would try to cut his circulation off to make a point but it had been a normal, business-like handshake. “As I said, I’m Frank Boomer. I’m here to assess Dolan’s living arrangement and to do a random UA.”

Looking over his shoulder, Deran saw Adrian shrug. “Perfect timing, I just woke up. Do you have the cup?”

“You just woke up? What did we just talk about yesterday? You need to develop better habits and sleeping the morning away doesn’t qualify.” The PO took a few steps toward Adrian and his demeanor changed abruptly. He brushed past Deran and moved right into Adrian’s space. “What the hell happened to you?” The PO didn’t touch Adrian, but he was staring hard at his face.

Deran didn’t know whether he should be jealous or roll his eyes; Adrian somehow managed to pull that response out of most people. His boyfriend didn’t even know it. If he’d grown up a Cody he’d have mastered the art of using it to his advantage.

As it was Deran felt the pull and he made sure he was the one who took care of Adrian. At least as much as his stubborn boyfriend allowed. Deran didn’t mind the tussle of trying to exert his will over Adrian because when he submitted, it was an extreme buzz.

Except when the tussle interfered with their lives. Like now. A probation officer in his living room was definitely interference.

Adrian cleared his throat. “Um, I thought I told you yesterday, Deran and I collided on our surfboards. He broke his arm and I ended up with two black eyes.” 

Deran peered past the big guy and sure enough, Adrian’s eyes had darkened. He’d had a bruise around one eye after his arrest but it had lightened up considerably. Now he had two noticeable black eyes. On most people the bruising would look thuggish but not Adrian; the blue-black skin made Adrian’s dark blue eyes really stand out. 

It also made him look vulnerable. Like he needed protecting. No wonder people fell all over themselves to take care of the guy. It would’ve been an epic disaster if Adrian had been sentenced to hard time. Deran shuddered at the thought.

Protecting Adrian was Deran’s job but it didn’t look like this Boomer guy believed it. He turned and looked Deran up and down, noticing his navy-blue cast. He turned back to Adrian. “Are you sure this wasn’t a domestic argument? You two didn’t get into it or anything?”

Adrian frowned. “I’m sure. There were witnesses. Besides, Deran would never hurt me.”

That wasn’t true; Deran had hurt Adrian pretty badly. Almost ruptured his spleen and made his face look like it had been put through a meat grinder. Adrian had forgiven Deran but Deran hadn’t forgiven himself.

Although Deran appreciated Adrian’s vote of confidence—he would never lay a hurtful finger on Adrian again—the PO didn’t give a shit. “I’m going to need their contact information.” 

This guy was a dick. Although Deran supposed that went with the job. Working with hardened criminals probably made him doubt everything and everyone.

Adrian was a freaking Boy Scout in comparison. Deran almost snorted at the thought of the big, bad PO dealing with the very un-hardened Adrian. That’s not to say Adrian was innocent, he just wasn’t wired for hard crime.

If only Adrian had just come to Deran, they wouldn’t be dealing with this asshat in their lives right now.

“Uh, okay. Can I get that for you after I pee?” Adrian squinted at Boomer. Deran could tell by the set of his jaw that he was in pain.

Boomer smiled, his teeth blindingly white. “I changed my mind. I’ll settle for a cheek swab today.”

Adrian blinked hard. “Okay. Right this second? There’s the peeing thing and I’d like to brush my teeth.” He wrinkled his nose; Deran had never told him that with the freckles sprayed across his nose, wrinkling it made him look like he was twelve. Or younger.

Deran wondered how long it would be before Boomer caught on to Adrian’s weird, but endearing, mouth hygiene fetish. Deran swore his boyfriend brushed his teeth eight times a day and it was pretty typical to find him chewing cinnamon flavored gum during the times he wasn’t trying to rub the enamel off his teeth. Adrian did have sparkling, white teeth despite his coffee addiction so Deran guessed it all paid off.

It was Boomer’s turn to blink hard. “Yes, right this second. You don’t leave my sight until I say you’re done.” He reached into the back pack Deran hadn’t even noticed which was scary as fuck—what if this dipshit had been someone gunning for him—and pulled out a bag with what looked like a long-handled cotton swab. “Here, you know the drill.”

Adrian took the swab, poked it into his mouth, and dragged it around. He pulled it out grimacing.

Boomer opened a bag and Adrian dropped it inside. The PO sealed the bag, pulled out a pen and wrote something on the label. He looked up and smiled at Adrian. “What are you waiting for? I thought you had to pee and brush?”

Without saying a word, Adrian turned and fled for the bathroom. 

The PO turned his attention on Deran. “How did you really break your arm?”

“I really broke it while surfing. Some barney dropped into our wave and almost crashed into Adrian. He swerved to avoid him and I didn’t react quick enough. My arm met the back of Adrian’s head.” Deran raised an eyebrow, waiting for a smart-assed response.

Boomer frowned. “Did he get his head checked out?”

“Nah, he didn’t want to be late for his appointment with you.” Deran volunteered the information. He figured it didn’t matter; Adrian was going to comply with everything this yahoo required and the sooner this Boomer guy realized it, the better it would go for Adrian.

Adrian returned and Deran excused himself. Peeing and brushing his teeth sounded like a great idea although doing it all one-handed was interesting. And time consuming.

He returned to raised voices in the living room.

Specifically, Adrian’s raised voice. “I don’t care what you say about me but you leave him out of it.”

Deran wondered who the mysterious _him_ was Adrian was talking about. He had a moment of jealousy but pushed it down. Adrian had made his decision. He was with Deran. 

Now if only he’d give Deran a little more to work with when it came to this whole drug smuggling escapade he’d feel even better about their situation.

Boomer gave Adrian of those toothy full smiles. “Don’t ever play poker, son. I can read you like an open book.”

Adrian glared for a moment then dropped his eyes. He looked both pale and flushed and when he wavered on his feet, Deran thought he was going to pass out. Instead Adrian gulped convulsively, clapping his hand over his mouth. Without a word he turned and ran for the bathroom. The noises coming from that room were horrifying.

Even Boomer cringed. 

The man grabbed his backpack, straightening to his full height. “He’d never last a day on the inside.”

Deran rubbed his face, exhaustion hitting him hard. “I’m aware. You don’t have to worry, Adrian isn’t going to give you any trouble.”

The guy rubbed the side of his face and snorted. “That kid is trouble with a capital T.” Adrian gagged in the bathroom and the probation officer flinched. “Tell him to get that contact info from your beach disaster to me. I’ll be watching him, and you, too. I’m not convinced this is the best living arrangement for Dolan. You seem like you might be a bad influence on him. Or at least hazardous to his health.”

Staring down the man, Deran held his silence. Telling him he wasn’t a bad influence, or that Adrian living with Deran was the best thing ever for both of them, wasn’t going to change his mind.

Only time would do that. They’d have to show the judgmental fucker.

Boomer stalked to the door. His jeans made his ass look good which Deran supposed he shouldn’t be noticing. 

Deran heard the water running and figured Adrian was brushing his teeth. Again. His boyfriend finally emerged, damp around the edges. “Did he take off?”

“Yeah.” Deran didn’t elaborate. Adrian looked exhausted and Deran didn’t want to stress him out any more than he already was. “Are you okay?”

Adrian shrugged. He kept his eyes lowered which was a new habit and it was driving Deran crazy and not in a good way.

“Something you want to tell me?” Deran picked at Adrian like he would at a scab.

Straightening up, Adrian finally made eye contact. “I have a meeting later this week with the lawyer. I promise I’ll tell you everything after that. Okay?”

Some of the pressure Deran had been feeling dissipated. He didn’t like it—he wanted answers right the fuck now—but it sounded like if he could hang on a little longer he’d finally get some.

“I don’t like it. Any of it.” Deran’s voice was gruff in his own ears.

Adrian’s shoulders rounded downward, his chin dropping toward his chest. “I know. I’m so fucking sorry about this. If it’s too much just tell me and I’ll, I don’t know, find somewhere else to stay. I know you don’t need my shit, you’ve got enough to deal with.” 

He looked over Deran’s shoulder, toward the door, like he’d make a break for it if Deran said the wrong thing.

“Hey, come here.” Deran didn’t have the words to make Adrian feel better but he could offer his shoulder. He curled his good arm around Adrian’s back and drew him close. “No one said anything about you going anywhere. Just tell me, what do you need?”

Adrian shrugged, squinting at him from beneath lowered lashes. At least he didn’t look like he was going to run anymore. He did look like his head was killing him though. “I’ve got it handled, don’t worry. I’m just going to take some pain reliever, maybe try to sleep some more. Can I get you some pills?”

Of course, Adrian had it handled. This was turning into a theme. Adrian asserting his independence and Deran mystified that his boyfriend would rather take the more difficult path then take Deran’s help.

At some point they were going to have to sort this out. For now Deran’s arm throbbed with low level pain and he struggled to hold back a yawn. “That sounds boring as hell. It also sounds like all’s I’m good for at the moment.”

He lowered his arm so it curled around Adrian’s waist and guided him into the kitchen where the pills were kept. Snuggling up with a dozy Adrian didn’t sound like a bad way to spend the rest of the morning.

At least he could wrap his arm around the other guy and keep him close.

Keep him safe.

-0-

Deran gathered Adrian a little closer with his right arm. His left forearm ached but he wasn’t in a rush to move.

There was just something about having Adrian curled against him, head resting on Deran’s chest, arm slung over Deran’s waist. It made Deran smile. It made him feel lighter.

If Deran had his way Adrian would always be within touching distance. Nothing could happen to Adrian if he stayed next to Deran because Deran would protect him with everything he had.

Adrian twitched and made a little sighing noise, and Deran thought that would be the end of naptime. He wasn’t ready to give up the peace in their bedroom so his right hand twisted in the hair at the nape of Adrian’s neck, alternately tugging and petting.

It was the magic combination where Adrian was concerned, at least when it came to sex. Maybe it also applied to soothing him to sleep, too, as Adrian settled back into a doze. 

Glancing down fondly, Deran’s smile faded; Adrian’s right eye was visible and Deran cringed at the dark colors staining the skin.

For the second time that day he was reminded him of the state he’d left Adrian in after he’d bashed him in the bathroom although this was the other eye. He tried not to dwell on it—Adrian had seemed to forgive him and didn’t like it when Deran brought it up—but that was a time in his life Deran didn’t want to ever revisit. 

Adrian flopped a hand on Deran’s chest. “You’re thinking too hard.” It was a soft mumble but Deran was well versed in Adrian speak and clearly understood it.

“What am I thinking about?” Deran hoped Adrian didn’t know but it felt good to tease. All this stress was wearing on them both. 

“Sex. Well more like how you feel too crappy to have it and how that’s a crime. I guess that leaves food.” Adrian picked his head up and stared at Deran, blue eyes still sleep fogged. “You want me to make you breakfast for a change of pace?”

Deran loved spoiling Adrian with meals and it really pissed him off that he was out of commission for a while. “Maybe if I coach you through it.”

Sitting up, Adrian smiled, slow and sweet. “It’s a deal.”

Detouring into the bathroom, Deran freshened up. Maybe later Adrian would help him cover the cast so he could shower.

Maybe Adrian would join him in the shower.

Tucking that idea away, Deran joined Adrian in the kitchen. His boyfriend had taken out the carton of eggs and a pan and set the bread on the island. That was all good but the problem was the supposed cook was bent over at the waist, looking pale and shaky.

“Adrian? What’s the matter?” Deran quickly moved to Adrian’s side.

His boyfriend straightened suddenly, almost bashing Deran in the arm with his head.

Again.

“Whoa, take it easy. I’ve got you.” Deran palmed the back of Adrian’s neck and pulled him into his chest. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Adrian gave a strangled little laugh before burying his face against the side of Deran’s neck. Deran had never told Adrian how much he enjoyed that contact. It somehow made him feel like Adrian needed him. Depended on him. 

When Adrian didn’t say anything, just kept his face pressed against Deran’s skin, Deran became more concerned. He started to ease away so he could get a look at his boyfriend. “Hey, are you okay?”

Keeping his face averted to the side, Adrian shrugged. “Do you ever feel like something’s going to happen? Something really shitty? And there’s nothing you can do about it?”

_Almost every fucking day._

That’s why gaining and keeping control of every aspect of his life was so important to him. 

But that response wasn’t going to make Adrian feel better. He’d been through a lot in the last couple of weeks and even if most of it was his own damned fault, Deran couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

When Adrian was down, it definitely affected Deran’s mood.

If Deran had his way, nothing bad would ever touch Adrian again.

For now, he’d just do his best to take care of him. “We’re together now. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.” He cupped the back of Adrian’s head gently, avoided the swollen area. They needed a distraction. Something to take them out of this miserable headspace. “You’re the chef. What do you want me to do?”

-0-

Deran couldn’t believe how patient Adrian had been with his cranky broken-armed ass. He’d fixed meals and done all of the cleaning. 

Fetched and carried.

Given Deran superlative blowjobs to distract him.

His cell phone buzzed with another question from Craig. He groaned.

The only thing Adrian couldn’t do is help out at the bar—he had a no alcohol condition on his probation which meant he couldn’t be anywhere he had access to alcohol—which meant Deran was at Craig’s mercy. 

Not taking care of things at the bar was slowly driving him crazy. It took him twice as long, if not longer, to explain what he needed done than it would if he could just do it himself.

Adrian brought in a bottled water and the generic Aleve. “How’s the pain?”

“I think Craig’s attempts at running the bar are causing me more pain than my arm.” Deran expected a laugh but Adrian’s lips remained in a flat line. In fact, his face seemed pale and pinched where it wasn’t streaked with bruising. “How’s your headache?”

Adrian shrugged. “About the same, I guess.” He lightly touched the bruise around one eye. It was pretty amazing how a whack on the back of the head could cause bruised eyes.

Unscrewing the cap on the water, Adrian handed it to Deran before he shook out two pills and handed them over. Once Deran has taken his dose, Adrian motioned for the water and then shook two more pills out onto his palm before swallowing them down. 

When he was done he handed the bottle back to Deran. “Can I ask you a weird question?”

“Can’t be any weirder than Craig’s questions.” He tried to sound casual. Maybe Adrian was finally going to share whatever the hell he’d been thinking when he’d agreed to haul drugs in a surfboard. The supposed meeting with the lawyer hadn’t happened yet but Deran found himself holding his breath, waiting for Adrian’s to speak.

“Mmm, it might be. Do you think we should have healthcare POA’s?” Adrian rubbed his temples, his eyelids lowered against the bright sunlight. 

Deran wanted to make a crack about too much sunlight not being a thing seeing as it was a thing right now but out of deference to Adrian’s headache he held back. Although he was disappointed in the question he was also confused. “Pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about. Wait, you don’t have to pretend. A p what?”

“It’s a power of attorney document that says if something happens to either one of us, the other can make decisions about treatment.” Adrian leaned back against the wall, rubbing his eyes. “I started thinking about it when we went to the ER. I mean if something happened and they admitted you, and you weren’t conscious, Smurf could keep me away if she wanted.”

“Jesus, Adrian. That’s pretty fucking morbid.” Deran didn’t need this shit, not with his arm throbbing like a bitch. Maybe when he felt better he could give it more thought.

That’s how they worked—Adrian planted the seed, Deran ruminated on it and then if it made sense, he put it into practice. 

Except this time Adrian didn’t let it go. “Yeah, I guess it is. Just something that’s been bugging me. I found a form online that’s free. It wouldn’t take long to fill out and then we’d just need someone to notarize them.”

“Forget it. That shit isn’t going to happen so you can quit worrying about it.” Deran growled. He refused to give it any more thought. 

He was going to quit pulling jobs, Adrian was going to quit running drugs, and they were going to live a normal life.

Adrian had folded his arms across his middle. Someone had once told Deran that gesture was a self-hug. Shit, he hadn’t meant to snarl at Adrian.

“How about we take a nap? Maybe we’ll both feel better afterward. Help me up?” Deran held his good hand out and Adrian stepped forward and gently tugged him to his feet.

Deran held his navy-blue casted arm close to his side, guarding it.

Adrian cupped a hand over his eyes, shading his face.

It had been a few days since their spectacular collision and Deran had thought they’d both be feeling better by now

A nap was about all either one of them could handle at the moment but maybe later they’d feel friskier.

-0-

Adrian had returned from a meeting with his probation officer. He looked disgruntled and unhappy and Deran couldn’t help but think it was Adrian’s own fault.

If he’d just put more faith in Deran he wouldn’t be in this shitty position of needing a lawyer or being on probation.

Of course, Deran still didn’t know why Adrian had agreed to run drugs and his patience for not knowing had pretty much come to an end. The only reason he hadn’t pushed it so far is because Adrian was beneath his roof. 

Where Deran could keep an eye on him.

He went to the kitchen and got a water for Adrian. Instead of cracking the lid and gulping it down, Adrian pressed it to the side of his face. His skin had the weird pale-and-red tinge to it like happened when Adrian spent too much time in the sun but Deran knew for a fact his boyfriend had been stuck indoors.

Adrian had promised he wouldn’t surf until Deran could and maybe it was shitty of him, but Deran was going to hold him to that promise. He didn’t like the idea of Adrian being away from his side. The only time he was away was when he met his PO, and soon his lawyer, and Deran would’ve known by Adrian’s demeanor when that happened even if Adrian hadn’t told him.

“What’s going on?” Deran finally caved, his curiosity too much to contain. He always wanted to know everything that was going on with Adrian. When he didn’t, apparently really shitty things happened; see Adrian’s short career as a drug runner and subsequent probation sentence for proof of that.

Adrian’s eyelids had drifted down, resting against his sharp cheekbones, but they snapped upward at the question. “Just a long day.”

“It’s only 9 a.m.” Deran countered.

Shrugging his shoulders, Adrian averted his attention to something on the floor. 

Deran was sick of being in the dark and he finally hit his breaking point. “Adrian. What the hell is going on? And don’t tell me nothing. You’ve been drifting around here, stressed out, and you won’t talk to me about it.”

Adrian’s lips flattened into a straight line but he still wouldn’t make eye contact. “You know I can’t talk about the case to anyone. Not yet.”

“Jesus, _I’m_ not just anyone! I need some answers. This isn’t just your life on the line. We’re in this together. Or at least I thought we were.” He banged his good hand on the coffee table to emphasize his point.

With a full body flinch, Adrian jumped to his feet, the bottle of water clattering to the hardwood floor. “We are!” He shrieked and winced at his own loud voice. “I can’t tell you. I need to make sure…please, Deran, I just…can’t. Not yet. Tomorrow I see the lawyer. Tomorrow.” From a shriek to a whisper.

Deran had been unhappy before but now he was worried. Adrian was barely coherent—Deran knew less now than he had at the start of the conversation—but his boyfriend was losing it, that much was apparent.

Rising slowly to his feet, Deran moved closer to Adrian who was looking at the door again. Like he was measuring the distancing, calculating if he could reach it before Deran caught him.

He craved control but Adrian had told him after his meeting with the lawyer, he’d tell him what was going on. He’d just have to suck it up and deal until then. But after that meeting he was going to tie Adrian down and make him talk if he didn’t start explaining things.

“Okay, okay. Come here, let’s just sit down.” He put his good hand out and Adrian slowly took it, letting Deran reel him in.

At least Adrian still trusted Deran to touch him and he wasn’t looking longingly at the door as if he needed to escape.

When Deran curled his arm around Adrian’s back, he felt him shiver. He took a good look at Adrian’s face and didn’t like what he saw—the red had receded completely leaving Adrian’s freckles and eyebrows as the only dots and dashes of color on his face other than the black eyes. Even Adrian’s lips were bloodless. “Adrian, what do you need from me?”

Finally, for what seemed like the first time since he entered the house, Adrian made eye contact. The bruising had lightened around his eyes but now the whites were bloodshot making the dark blue pop even more. And the expression…Adrian looked scared.

“I don’t feel so good. Can I lay down for a while?” Even Adrian’s voice shook.

“Yeah, babe, of course. Just lean on me.” Deran slowly walked Adrian into their bedroom and tipped him onto the bed. It was easy enough to pull Adrian’s Vans off one-handed but he didn’t mess with any of his clothing.

Adrian curled up, looking small for someone his size. 

He looked fragile.

“Can I get you anything?” Deran asked, expecting a request for pain reliever, or to be left alone.

“Do you think…could you hold me, please? Just for a little while?” Adrian hardly asked for that. He wasn’t shy about asking for what he wanted when it came to sex but when it came to needing comfort, he probably hadn’t thought Deran could meet his needs.

Adrian’s eyes pooled with moisture and he rolled to his other side. 

Away from Deran.

“Yeah, sure.” The line of Adrian’s back relaxed at Deran’s words.

It was while he buried his face against the back of Adrian’s neck and curled his casted arm over Adrian’s waist to rest on the bed that Deran realized he’d missed an opportunity to press Adrian for details. If he’d continued to apply pressure Adrian would’ve cracked.

If Deran had thought Adrian had pulled out crocodile tears on him he’d like to think he wouldn’t let it go. The thing was Adrian cried more than lots of guys Deran knew but he didn’t like to do it in public. Didn’t like anyone to see him. Even Deran. 

Especially Deran.

Deran supposed he could wait until tomorrow. He’d waited this long.

Although he couldn’t see himself ever giving up on Adrian.

-0-

“Hey, I thought we were leaving soon. Aren’t you getting dressed first?” Deran had struggled into his clothing—he couldn’t even imagine what he would’ve done if he’d broken his right arm—and was ready to go. On time.

Deran had a thing for being on time. Adrian, if left to his own devices, wasn’t as punctual but he’d adjusted to accommodate Deran when they were together.

Except for this time. Adrian was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, staring into space.

“Ground control to Major Tom, you were going to drop me off on your way to a meeting with your probation officer. Any of this ringing a bell?” Deran wasn’t in a rush to get to The Drop but Adrian practically hyperventilated at the thought of being late to see Boomer. 

Not that Deran could blame him. One wrong step and Adrian would go back to lock-up.

After his meeting with Boomer, Adrian was supposed to see the fucking lawyer.

Finally.

That didn’t matter at the moment, not with Adrian playing statue. 

Deran wasn’t good at this comforting shit but maybe that’s what Adrian needed. He knelt down on one knee, which why the hell did Adrian insist on sitting on the floor was a mystery to him and took a good look at his boyfriend.

Adrian’s dark blue eyes were wide with confusion and his mouth was parted as if he was going to say something only he remained silent. Lost was the word Deran would use to describe his boyfriend. 

He’d try one more time to get Adrian to open up to him. He’d probably try a lot more times but maybe this time he’d get somewhere. “Adrian, what is it?” Deran touched Adrian’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

His boyfriend slumped backward beneath the light touch and Deran scrambled to catch him. It wasn’t easy but Deran cradled him with his right arm and finally got a close up of his face.

_Shit._

“Adrian, hey, can you hear me?” 

Adrian’s eyes were still open. Unblinking.

Only Adrian’s pupils seemed capable of answering, if being blown wide open was an answer. In the bright light of the living room that shouldn’t have been the case.

Unless Adrian had taken something.

No, that didn’t make any sense. Adrian was adamant about complying with his probation. He wouldn’t fuck it up, especially not before a scheduled visit with Boomer. Jesus, Boomer would slap him behind bars if he so much as thought Adrian wasn’t playing by his rules.

Drugs weren’t the problem. There clearly was a problem though.

He fumbled for his phone and dialed 911.

This wasn’t supposed to be happening. This wasn’t the plan.

-0-

The ride in the ambulance was a blur to Deran. 

He’d texted Craig, telling him he was on the way to the hospital with Adrian in an ambulance. His phone had blown up with calls, first from Craig, then Smurf and finally Pope, which, Jesus, was a sign of something although Deran’s brain was too fried to figure out what.

The paramedics hadn’t been too forthcoming with information. They’d radioed bits of information to someone at the hospital, things like _non-responsive_ , _pupils fixed and dilated_ and the oddest one, _GCS of 6_. They were speaking another language but since they were trying to help Adrian, Deran kept his mouth shut and stayed out of the way. 

The only time he’d said anything had been when the guy had pinched the nailbed of Adrian’s index finger.

_What the fuck?_

He was told it was some bullshit about testing Adrian’s pain response. Deran had wanted to test this twerp’s pain response and see how he liked it.

Adrian was strapped to a gurney, oxygen prongs in his nose and an IV in his hand. Deran wished Adrian would open his beautiful dark blue eyes but he was afraid if he did, only his pupils would be visible.

“Hey, do you know if he’s had recent head trauma?” The guy who had pinched Adrian’s fingernail asked.

Deran opened his mouth to answer and then closed it, thinking. Adrian had banged his head, or been hit, more than once in the last month. “Ummm, he’s been punched, put his head through drywall and taken an arm to the back of his head.” Deran flopped his casted arm and the guy stared at it, eyebrows raised. “It was an accident, we ran into each other while surfing.”

The punch had happened while Adrian was at SDCJ, awaiting his bail hearing. Adrian had refused to tell Deran what had happened and Deran hated not knowing but he’d been so damned happy to have Adrian back in his arms, he hadn’t pushed for details. It was just one more thing he had on his list of secrets Adrian was keeping from him.

The other blow to the head had happened, funnily enough, in bed their first night together in their new place. The bed frame hadn’t been quite sturdy enough for its christening and when it had folded like a cheap deck chair, Adrian’s head had connected with the wall. 

They’d both laughed when it had happened—Deran dared someone not to find the humor in breaking the bed—except at the moment he didn’t feel like laughing.

Deran was nudged out of the back of the rig as they unloaded Adrian. He tried to stay close but he didn’t want to get in the way. Someone put their hands on his shoulders and moved him to the side and Deran turned to snarl and found himself staring at Linc.

“What happened?” Linc’s voice was pitched low and he glanced nervously at the gurney, at Adrian, as they pushed him into the building.

Shrugging his shoulders, feeling overwhelmed, Deran sighed. “He was going to give me a ride to the bar but instead of getting ready, he was just sitting on the floor, staring into space. There was something wrong with his pupils.”

Dropping his voice even more, Linc asked, “Did he take something, man?”

Deran shook his head emphatically. “No. He hasn’t had anything since…no, I’m sure he didn’t.”

Linc squeezed his shoulders and then moved to join the team surrounding Adrian. Deran saw him reach out and squeeze Adrian’s shoulder. “Hey, Adrian, we’re going to take good care of you.”

What happened to surfer boy? Linc had known all along what Adrian’s name was, he’d just been jerking their chains. It made Deran feel a little better though. He hadn’t been a bad judge of character—Linc was a good guy. He just wasn’t meant for Deran.

And that’s why Deran needed Adrian to be okay. Adrian was _it_ for him.

-0-

Deran tugged on his hair. He felt like he was going to lose his goddamn mind any second now. “I don’t understand. I thought you said I could see him once he was out of recovery?”

Craig grabbed his good arm, hanging on to him. 

The nurse he didn’t know the name of looked at him with concern. “That was the plan. But there’s been a new development. Apparently, Adrian’s parents were notified as his next of kin and they don’t want anyone but family to have access to him.”

“But…that’s…they haven’t spoken to him in years! They booted him out of their house once he graduated high school. How the hell can they do this?” Deran’s voice had escalated despite his best efforts. He didn’t want to get kicked out of the hospital. 

He needed to be here for Adrian.

“Easy, man.” Craig was being the voice of reason which was all sorts of fucked up but his hold on Deran’s arm kept him anchored.

Shaking her head, the nurse frowned. “I don’t make the rules, I’m just stuck enforcing them. I’ve asked one of our social workers to meet with you. Oh, here’s Jake now.”

Deran should’ve paid more attention to the introductions but he was too busy trying to wrap his head around the facts.

Adrian had suffered something called a subdural hematoma. Any one of the blows to the head, or all of them, could’ve caused the bleeding that put pressure on his brain. The pain reliever he’d been taking had most likely made him bleed more which caused more pressure which fucked up Adrian’s brain. 

The surgeon had drilled a hole or some shit to relieve the pressure. 

No one knew what kind of condition Adrian would be in until he woke up. Assuming he woke up. They’d put him in a medically induced coma.

To top it all off, the Dolans, who couldn’t even be bothered with speaking to Adrian, were going to keep Deran from seeing him?

He checked back into the conversation as the nurse walked away, leaving Jake the social worker to speak with him and Craig. “So, you and Adrian are in a relationship?”

There was a time that question would’ve made Deran punch out his lights. Now he was proud of the fact. “Yeah, we’ve been on and off for ten years but finally moved in together.”

Craig muttered, “About fuckin’ time.” 

The social worker’s lips twitched but he pushed for more information from Deran. “But you’re not married?” 

Deran huffed. “No.” 

Not yet.

Deran wasn’t ruling it out though. When he thought of the future, he thought of being with Adrian. He didn’t know what Adrian thought about it though. Adrian had kept giving him funny looks when Deran had asked him to move in with him. Like he kept waiting for Deran say it was a joke or something. Deran knew he had a lot to atone for but it broke his heart a little each time Adrian acted like he didn’t believe it was happening.

That had been before the arrest. Since the arrest they’d both focused just on getting through each day.

“I think I know the answer but I just want to confirm it…you guys don’t have healthcare power of attorneys, do you?” Jake’s face was sincere. His voice was sincere. 

For a moment Deran wanted to cry on Jake’s sincere shoulder. Craig’s grip on him kept him from doing anything stupid.

Adrian had badgered Deran about these documents but he’d been focused on having one for Deran, so he would have access to Deran if his risky lifestyle ever caught up with him. 

Never in a million years would Deran have guessed it would be the other way around, with him being barred from Adrian’s side.

Adrian who was in a coma…

“I’m really sorry, I don’t see a way around this without you either getting a court order or Adrian waking up and sharing his wishes. For now, I think it would be best if you went home. I think Adrian’s parents want…well, it doesn’t matter what I think. Here’s my card. Why don’t you give me a call tomorrow?” Jake handed over his business card and when Deran just took it and didn’t say anything, he left.

He just wanted to see Adrian. Hold his hand. See that he was alive.

Craig dragged him away even as he continued pleading to see Adrian. 

He’d fought his feelings for his best friend. He’d always suspected he wouldn’t live through it if something happened to Adrian and now his worst fears were playing out.

What little control he had left over his emotions was splintering away.

-0-

Deran showed up at the hospital every day for five days. He varied the time but the results were the same.

He wasn’t allowed to see Adrian.

Adrian was still in a coma.

And the worst fucking thing? The Dolans never visited their son. Not once. They just kept Deran from visiting. 

Pope had volunteered to go _speak_ with them but Smurf had reined him in; it sucked because at this point Deran would’ve agreed. He’d agree to anything that got him in to see Adrian.

One of the nurses working in the Neurosurgery wing smiled at Deran. He seemed to have their support even though they wouldn’t break the rules for him.

“Hi, Deran. It sounds like they’re going to decrease the meds and try to wake Adrian up today.” Sherry offered.

“Can I see him?” Deran always asked, hoping for a different answer.

Sherry wasn’t offended. “I think I can speak for all of us working on this unit when I say we expect Adrian will give permission for you to see him once he’s awake. We’ve got your number and we’ll call you as soon as that happens.” She paused for a moment and then took a breath. “I did have an idea though. If you’re interested.”

“I’m going crazy here. What’s your idea?” Deran wrapped his arms around his torso, the cast on his arm making it difficult but not impossible, as he waited.

“When someone is coming out of a coma, it seems to help for them to hear the voices of loved ones. Why don’t we have you record a message and I can play it for Adrian?” The nurse reached into the pocket of her scrubs and withdrew a cell phone. “This is one of the unit cell phones. I can pass it to the next shift if needed.”

Deran reached out and took the phone. “I guess that’s better than nothing. What do I say?”

Sherry smiled. “Tell him how much you want him to wake up. Talk about something he likes. It’s not really what you say, just that Adrian hears your voice.”

“Okay.” He stared at the phone, trying to think of what to say.

The nurse squeezed his arm. “Why don’t you record your message and bring the phone to the nurse’s station? I’ll need it back in a few minutes since it’s how the medical staff communicate with each other.” She gave him an encouraging smile and then left him alone.

What would Adrian want to hear? The nurse said it didn’t matter. With that in mind, Deran hit the record button and began to ramble.

_Adrian. Um, hi. It’s me. Deran. They said you might want to hear my voice. You once told me you liked it so I hope that’s true. I’m supposed to talk about something you like. Craig says the waves has been awesome. Not that I would know, since, you know, I broke my damned arm on your head. I’m not going to surf again until you do._

Deran paused, collecting his thoughts. Adrian had promised the same thing when Deran had broken his arm. 

The thought made him depressed. Although he didn’t want Adrian to hear him being down. He was going to keep his thoughts positive if it fucking killed him.

_Hey, remember how you said you didn’t think Pope liked you? Well he wanted to pay your parents a visit and set them straight since they won’t let me see you. I kinda wanted to let him but Smurf said no. There’s so much more I want to tell you but I’m going to wait until I can see you. I lo…okay, I’m saving that until I see you. I miss you. So enough with the Sleeping Beauty act and wake the eff up._

Deran thought his message was stupid but he had to say it was pretty representative of what they talked about. Surfing. His family. He didn’t talk about touching Adrian because that would be creepy, or how he missed seeing the dimple in his right check. Or his sparkling blue eyes. Or counting his freckles. But hopefully Adrian would read behind the lines and hear what he meant.

Mostly Deran wanted Adrian to wake up and say Deran could see him because he didn’t think he could go another day without him.

He would lose his shit and then what would happen to Adrian?

-0-

Deran had finally received the call from the hospital.

Adrian was awake and had given permission for him to visit.

He was too impatient to wait for Craig to pick him up so he was going to drive himself. It wouldn’t be easy but he thought he could manage.

Just as he was about to open the door, someone knocked.

Deran whipped it open, ready to blow by whoever was there, but the big body blocked him.

Frank Boomer stood there, his arms crossed over his chest. “Where’s Dolan.”

“Fuck.” Deran knew he’d forgotten something but he’d been too busy shuttling between the hospital and home to give it much thought.

“That about sums it up. Now where his is?” Boomer wasn’t going to budge. 

Deran wasn’t going to be able to fight past the big guy. Even with two arms he didn’t like his chances. “Come on in, I’ll fill you but it’s gotta be quick.”

The probation officer looked unimpressed but he stepped inside. “Talk.”

“Adrian suffered a subdural hematoma and he’s in the hospital. They drilled a hole in his head to relieve the pressure. Put him in a coma. I haven’t been able to see him because his asshole parents said I couldn’t but the hospital called, he’s awake, and I can see him.” Deran found he was out of breath after delivering his news.

Boomer opened his mouth and then snapped it shut. “Do you need a ride?”

“Um, what? I was going to drive myself.” Deran patted his pockets to verify he had the keys.

“Come on, I’ll give you a lift. You probably haven’t been cleared to drive yet.” The probation officer had that right. Deran wasn’t the Boy Scout; that was Adrian.

Adrian who was waiting for him at the hospital.

“Whatever. Fine. Can we go now?” Every second standing here was another second Deran was in danger of losing it.

Deran had always prided himself on his control. His control was toast.

At least Boomer didn’t fuck around. Deran had grabbed the Jesus handle on more than one turn as the guy seemed intent on breaking land speed records in getting them to the hospital.

“Has Adrian filled you in on his case?” Boomer broke the silence as they neared the hospital.

Scowling, Deran shook his head. “He was freaked the hell out about something but he wouldn’t tell me what. I think the blood on his brain has been affecting him for a while.” It felt a little disloyal talking about Adrian behind his back but maybe this asshole would finally give him some answers.

“The blood pooling somewhere in his body was affecting him, that I don’t doubt.” Boomer’s voice was wry.

Deran’s head snapped to the left to look at him. “What the fuck does that mean?”

They were parking, which thank fuck, because Deran needed to be inside right now.

“I know you guys are in your twenties but there are things other than sex you can do. Like talking. To each other.” The PO’s tone wasn’t mean but it was a weird thing to say.

“Whatever. I don’t have time for this shit. I need Adrian.” He’d meant to say he needed to see Adrian but truthfully, Deran did need Adrian. Needed to touch him. Look at him. 

He’d acquired a PO-sized barnacle but Deran didn’t care at this moment. He figured Boomer would get the answers about Adrian’s condition anyway so he might as well tag along.

Deran was out of breath as he approached the nurse’s station. “Adrian?” The nurse on duty stepped back and Deran realized it was a new face.

Sherry walked up. “It’s okay, Eve. I’ve got this one. Come on, Deran. Sleeping Beauty wants to see you.” She smirked as she said it which told Deran she’d heard his recording. She turned to Boomer. “And you are?”

Deran cleared his throat. “Adrian’s, uh, friend. Frank.” If Adrian wanted the staff to know he was on probation, he could make that call. “Adrian would want him to know how he’s doing.”

Or maybe Frank would open his big mouth and share the news.

Boomer’s eyebrows rose in surprise but he didn’t contradict Deran.

“Um, how is he?” Deran straightened his shirt, and then his hair, out of nervous habit. He always wanted to look his best for Adrian since he thought Adrian was one of the best-looking guys he’d ever seen. Sometimes Deran couldn’t believe Adrian wanted to be with him.

“He seems to have some memory deficits but he definitely knows who you are. He was understandably upset when he woke up and you weren’t here and we tried to explain what had happened but I’m not sure he understands. Confusion is common after a traumatic brain injury, and medically induced coma, so just be patient with him.” Sherry’s explanation was professional but didn’t go over his head. 

Deran knew he would have more questions but right now he had to see Adrian. “Can I see him now?”

“Sure, but one visitor at a time.” Sherry darted a glance at Boomer.

Boomer accepted the news with a nod. “I’ll be in the waiting room over there,” he pointed down the hallway, “so find me when you’re ready to go.”

“You don’t have to wait for me.” Deran didn’t want him to wait.

Didn’t want Boomer to see him if he lost his composure like he suspected would happen.

“I’ve got nothing but time. I’ll wait.” 

Deran shrugged, Boomer already out of his thoughts as Sherry led him to a room.

“Can I, uh, touch him? You know, hug him?” Deran felt like his face was on fire but touch was important to them.

“Just be gentle and it’ll be fine. Another thing to remember is that his emotions are all over the place. Crying at this stage is normal.” The nurse raised an eyebrow.

Deran couldn’t stand it when Adrian cried. It made him want to fix whatever was wrong. It made him want to cry, too, and Codys didn’t cry much. Today might be the exception. “What else?”

“We have the head of his bed raised to help with swelling but I’m sure he’s still the same cutie you fell for. The doctor will be doing rounds shortly and can answer questions then but if you have some before then, or need us, hit the call button.” Sherry patted his shoulder as she slipped inside of the room. “Adrian? You have a visitor.”

Deran stepped into the room and got his first glimpse of his boyfriend.

Adrian’s head was turned away from the door, staring toward the window, but he seemed to be awake. He was still pale, and had wires and tubes running everywhere, but he was alive.

“Adrian?” Deran said his name softly, not wanting to startle him.

His boyfriend tensed but didn’t turn his head.

Sherry gave him a light shove toward the bed. She disappeared before he could say anything although it wasn’t like she could help him—this was on him.

“Hey, it’s about time you woke up. You’ve kept me waiting long enough, don’t you think?” Deran tried to keep his tone light but it cracked on the last word.

Adrian shifted on the bed so he no longer faced the window but he kept his face downcast. 

It’s too bad that little habit hadn’t changed since the coma.

“Der-an?” He sounded confused. Unsure. And his voice was scratchy and raw sounding.

“Yeah, Adrian it’s me. It’s been five days since…well, it’s been five days. Do you think I could hold you for a moment?” Deran was never going to do anything to Adrian against his will. And something was going on with him—he was too silent and too still—and Deran didn’t want to push too much or too fast.

Adrian nodded his head but he still wouldn’t look at Deran.

Fuck it, Adrian said he could hug him and that’s all Deran had needed. He sat carefully on the side of the bed and gently gathered Adrian against his chest.

When Adrian rested his cheek on Deran’s shoulder and sighed, Deran had to concentrate on not squeezing him too tight.

Deran had dreamed of this every night he’d been banned from Adrian’s side. If he had his way, they’d never sleep apart. Never be apart at all.

That right there was stalker territory but damn it, Deran had almost lost Adrian. He was going to hold tight to what they had and hopefully not suffocate the guy. 

Adrian was shaking and Deran’s shoulder was getting damp which meant Adrian was crying. He found himself rocking back and forth, just a little, trying to sooth him.

Sooth them both.

“I missed you so much.” Deran whispered the words but he knew Adrian heard him when his breath hitched.

“I thought…I thought you…” Deran wasn’t sure if Adrian was overcome with emotion or if this was a side effect of the medication.

Or brain damage.

Deran’s perfect life that he’d begun plotting so meticulously might be going down the drain but at the moment he couldn’t find it in himself to give a shit. 

Adrian was alive. Everything else would fall into place. It might be a new place but where had Deran’s control freak tendencies gotten him? Nowhere. Adrian had closed himself off, had been pulling away, but now they could start over.

He realized Adrian had stopped speaking, wasn’t really moving, and that freaked Deran the hell out. Easing Adrian from his shoulder by leaning forward, and bracing his back with his good arm, Deran took a good look at his boyfriend.

Pale didn’t even begin to describe his color and the skin around his eyes was puffy.

The eyes though…the pupils looked normal and the beautiful dark blue color appeared and disappeared as Adrian’s eyelashes fluttered. 

“You thought what? That I’d give up on you? Never.” Deran tried to smile but it was hard to smile while crying. They were tears of happiness though. At least Adrian’s eyes were back to normal. 

Adrian gnawed at his lip and maybe it was bad timing but Deran’s body responded to the habit, his dick thickening just like it was conditioned to do. They’d been having sex for ten years and had developed their kinks together although he knew Adrian wasn’t trying to whip him into a frenzy on purpose.

His boyfriend looked down at Deran’s lap and then back up, eyes widening. Maybe Adrian was more with it than Deran had thought.

“I’ve missed you, too.” The husky voice was another turn-on although realistically Deran knew it was from the ventilator, not sexual frustration.

Deran settled him back against the pillows carefully. He brushed stray hair from Adrian’s face and caught a whiff of shampoo. Apparently, Adrian had been awake long enough to have showered, or at least for someone to help bathe him. And shave him. 

It made Deran sad; he could’ve been here with Adrian sooner but maybe Adrian hadn’t wanted to see him until he was cleaned up.

Adrian’s hand flailed and caught in Deran’s shirt. “Why weren’t you here?”

Sherry had warned him about Adrian’s confusion. At least the halting speech had decreased; Deran knew brain damage was a possibility but maybe Adrian would be untouched by it. “Your parents wouldn’t let me see you.”

“Oh.” the skin between Adrian’s eyes pulled tight which happened when he was in deep thought.

Adrian closed his eyes tight. “They didn’t visit me, did they.” It wasn’t a question; Adrian knew the answer.

“I’m sorry, babe, no. And I was here in the hospital every day but I couldn’t see you. Your nurse had me record something on her phone so you could hear my voice.” Deran wasn’t sure what to expect. Adrian had seemingly made peace with his parents’ abandonment of him a long time ago but keeping Deran away…that was taking it to a whole new level.

Adrian opened his eyes and tried to smile and that’s when Deran realized there were some changes with his face.

Adrian’s left eyelid drooped and the pupil strayed inward toward his nose. Not exactly cross-eyed but leaning that way.

And his right lip curled upward but his left remained stubbornly relaxed.

Deran, acting on instinct, clasped Adrian’s left hand with his right. He squeezed pretty hard and anticipated a hard squeeze back. Squeezing was their non-verbal form of communication whether it was a hand, forearm, shoulder, ass or thigh. 

The return squeeze was barely a twitch.

Sherry had said the doctor would be by to answer questions so he was just going to sit tight until that happened. 

Instead of freaking out, Deran needed to concentrate on something else. “So, guess who gave me a ride here?”

Adrian looked past his shoulder but didn’t see anyone there. “Um, Craig?”

It was a good guess and yeah seeing as Craig had spent a lot of time at the hospital with Deran. “Not this time. It was Frank Boomer. Showed up at our place wondering why you’d missed an appointment. He was a bit of an asshole but he actually referred to you as Adrian instead of Dolan.”

He’d expected something. A laugh or a smile or even a what the fuck. 

Deran got distracted by the straying left pupil. It made Deran want to pick him up and never let him go. If Adrian had looked vulnerable before, all pale skin and bruised eyes, there should be a word that expressed that to the highest degree which is how Deran felt right now. 

Helpless, defenseless and fragile didn’t quite do it.

Adrian’s lack of response sunk in. He looked at Deran with confusion.

Deran hit the call button, trying to act casual. He couldn’t wait for the doctor. 

_Adrian didn’t remember his probation officer._

Panic was starting to hit and hit him hard.

Adrian seemed to have left sided weakness and, if Deran was right, memory problems.

Deran didn’t know what that meant for Adrian’s court case but he needed some answers and he needed them now.

-0-

Dr. Balfour seemed competent although what did Deran know? He’d asked Frank Boomer to join him while the neurologist gave him a run-down on Adrian’s prognosis. Adrian hadn’t given his consent for this but seeing as he didn’t even remember having a probation officer, Deran thought it was okay for him to make the call. He needed another pair of ears so he didn’t miss anything.

The first chance he had, Deran vowed to have those damn power of attorney forms taken care of so none of this ever happened again. He’d like to think it never would, but life had shown him time and time again not to count on anything.

They were sitting in the waiting room as Dr. Balfour launched into his explanation. “Considering the damage I encountered, Adrian is in superb condition. The blood accumulated on the right side of his head. He didn’t have a stroke but it’s very similar to one. Since the right side of the brain controls the functioning on the left, that’s where Adrian has some issues. I’m sure you noticed his left eyelid and left side of his mouth droop.” 

“His left pupil is drifting, too. And the grip on his left hand is weak.” Deran frowned. Shouldn’t the doctor know this shit already?

“You’re very observant. Yes, those are all issues that have been noted. Our therapy team will be completing assessments to figure out how best to help Adrian recover. Although I’m not discounting it, Adrian might not achieve full functioning in those areas but I feel confident he’ll at least improve.” Dr. Balfour sat back. He watched both Deran and Boomer—Frank—closely.

Frank asked the first question.

The big question.

“What about Adrian’s memory? Deran indicated there were some issues.” The big guy was completely focused on the doctor. Waiting for a response.

Deran didn’t know if he actually gave a crap about Adrian or if this had something to do with his court case. The one everyone except Deran seemed to have knowledge about.

“We’re just not certain at this point. The brain is a very complex organ and it oftentimes builds workarounds to address shortfalls. Sometimes the damage is too great and the results of the workarounds don’t achieve results. What I can tell you is that between when Adrian first came out of the medically induced coma and a short while ago, he’s made great improvements on the mini mental assessments we’ve been giving him. I anticipate he’ll continue to improve but where that improvement ends, is anybody’s guess at the moment.” Dr. Balfour’s answer wasn’t helpful. Deran supposed this is why they called it practicing medicine—there was a lot the doc just didn’t know and some of it was guesswork.

So far Deran thought he could work with what he’d observed even if Adrian never made any improvements. 

Adrian was still the same sweet, thoughtful guy Deran had grown up with and he was still the best-looking guy around. He remembered enough to get by. Sure, Deran still wanted answers about what the hell had happened with the drug trafficking situation but if he never found out more he thought he could live with it.

As long as he could live with Adrian.

While he had the doctor’s attention, Deran wanted to get a handle on what else might be going on with Adrian’s condition. “So, this right-side brain damage. Anything else we should be on the look-out for?” He was including Frank on this since he didn’t foresee the man disappearing any time soon. The guy had sat in the waiting room for four hours while Deran had been with Adrian which made him one tenacious mother-fucker.

Dr. Balfour nodded. “You’ve already observed some of the issues, like the weakness on the left side of Adrian’s body. Other problems associated with this kind of damage include poor balance, the loss of ability to plan how to move which is called apraxia, poor coordination including eye-hand coordination, too much or too little muscle tone, extreme fatigue and moving too quickly. The nurses reported an issue with Adrian’s balance but that could resolve itself.”

Deran hoped none of these things happened to Adrian. “Adrian is a competitive surfer.”

“We’ll know more in the coming days but at the very least I anticipate the fatigue to play a role. It could take up to a year for Adrian to make a full recovery.” Unsaid was the part about the full recovery being anything but full.

“And the memory? What can you tell us about that?” Frank was like a one-trick pony. 

“Adrian suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. His brainstem was impacted and that’s the part of the brain that regulates many of the body’s vital functions, such as consciousness and breathing. Adrian was placed on a ventilator to support his breathing and that in and of itself is traumatic. Compound that with multiple blows to his head that might have caused damage…at this point it’s a waiting game to see what his brain recovers.” Dr. Balfour reached into his white lab coat pocket and withdrew a cell phone that was vibrating. “I apologize but I need to return this call. When you have more questions please let the nurses at the station know and they’ll contact me.”

All three men climbed to their feet. Dr. Balfour shook hands with Frank and then Deran. “I heard you’ve been a constant presence in our unit despite an unfortunate decision on Adrian’s family’s part. The coming weeks and months might be difficult but I think you’ve proven you’re up to the task.” With that the doctor excused himself and left the room.

“What was that all about?” Frank asked. For once he didn’t sound hostile or judgmental or the other tones he’d used on Deran before.

Deran rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to be here in case Adrian needed me.”

Frank’s bushy eyebrows rose high on his forehead but he didn’t say anything about Deran’s behavior. “Do you want me to give you a ride back to your place or are you sticking around?”

Even though his head hurt—information overload—Deran wasn’t going to budge from Adrian’s side. “I’ll be here until they kick me out.”

Frank clapped him on his good arm. “Okay. I’m going to swing by tomorrow.” He reached into his pocket and gave Deran a business card. “If you need me to bring you food or fresh clothing, let me know.”

The probation officer left the area before Deran could formulate a response.

His brain felt like it might explode. Things had changed so quickly he was left reeling.

Life was out of control but for once Deran didn’t care. Adrian was awake. That’s all that mattered.

-0-

It was a big day. The minor news was that Deran’s cast was finally off.

The major news was that Adrian had been released from the hospital. Dr. Balfour and his team had referred Adrian to a stepdown rehab unit for more intense therapy but Adrian hadn’t wanted to be parted from Deran’s side.

Deran was having a hard time saying no to anything Adrian wanted and since he wanted Adrian home with him, he’d agreed.

They’d both start outpatient therapy tomorrow—Deran to regain mobility in his arm and Adrian for strengthening of the limbs on his left side—but right now they faced a more immediate challenge: Getting Adrian up the stairs and into their house. 

Adrian looked at the stairs and then looked at Deran, biting his lip. The anxiety emanated off him in waves so this time Deran’s body wasn’t in the least confused and didn’t come to attention.

“Hey, it’s okay. Just take your time. I’ll be right behind you.” Deran coaxed Adrian, taking his hand and leading him to the stairs.

Squaring his shoulders, Adrian grabbed the railing with his right hand and hauled himself up onto the first step.

He wavered, balance failing, and Deran quickly moved in to cage Adrian’s body with his own.

Adrian rested his head on Deran’s shoulder; Deran could see his eyes were squeezed shut and he panted lightly.

“Okay, change of plan. I want you to slowly turn around and face me.” Deran waited patiently for Adrian to straighten once again. He slowly shuffled his feet until he was looking at Deran, eyes wide with panic. 

“How’s your stomach?” Deran asked, watching Adrian for further signs of distress.

“My stomach? I guess okay?” Adrian’s left eyelid was drooping and his left eye was trying to cross but some of the panic seemed to be receding as he thought about Deran’s question.

Deran smiled and Adrian smiled back; the smile was still crooked but it had been before Adrian had landed in the hospital. He was taking it as progress. “Excellent. Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to lean over my left shoulder and I’m going to give you a ride upstairs.”

Adrian puffed out a breath of dismay. “But your arm—” 

“Don’t you worry about my arm. It’s going to fold over your legs to stabilize you but my right arm is going to be holding the railing. You just get to sit back, or in this case, forward, and enjoy the sights.” Deran’s arms was weak but it was his legs, back and right arm that were going to do the heavy lifting. He felt confident.

Deran’s words surprised a laugh out of Adrian. “I guess it will be an enjoyable sight for me. I’m in.”

“More like over.” Deran leaned forward and Adrian tipped carefully over his shoulder. He wrapped his left arm over Adrian’s legs. Before they started ascending, Deran gave Adrian’s ass a strong smack. 

“Hey!” Adrian’s response was muffled but it sounded like he was laughing.

“Here we go.” Deran clutched the railing and took the first step.

Adrian had lost weight during the month he’d spent in the hospital. He’d only just begun to build back muscle so it wasn’t difficult to haul him upstairs. Deran was out of breath by the time they made it but the important thing was they’d made it.

At least he thought they had. “Adrian, you still with me?”

“Mmm hmmm.” Deran didn’t like that it was a non-verbal response but it was a response.

“I’d like to set you down so I can open the door. Are you ready?” Deran could probably get them inside this way but Adrian had been upside down long enough.

Adrian’s voice was marginally louder. “Okay.”

Deran braced Adrian’s body, both arms crossing his back, as he leaned forward. As soon as Adrian’s feet touched the ground, he fell backward. Deran’s right hand slip upward, cushioning the landing; he was very aware of Adrian’s past head injury and he wasn’t going to let that happen again if he had say in the matter.

“You did great. Catch your breath and then we’ll head inside.” Deran tried to be supportive but he didn’t want to condescend. It was a fine line he walked but Adrian didn’t seem to care, probably too busy trying to get his balance back online.

Taking a deep breath, Adrian nodded his head. “I think I’m ready.”

Deran stepped backward to give Adrian some room and his boyfriend promptly began to slide down the wall. Deran pressed his right forearm against Adrian’s chest at the same time he thrust his knee forward, trying to halt his descent.

It was a success but Adrian’s legs had parted and Deran’s knee now nestled up against Adrian’s balls.

Deran couldn’t help but notice Adrian’s body liked the contact. “Really? Now?”

Adrian blushed. “I can’t help it. It’s been a long fucking time and I’ve missed you. Missed us.”

“Okay, then. If you’re feeling that much better it’s time to take this inside.” Deran didn’t think Adrian was up for anything strenuous but just the thought of spooning Adrian in bed made him giddy.

Deran unlocked the door and they finally made it inside. Adrian detoured to the bathroom where, yep, he brushed his teeth. He emerged, eyes half lidded and his boner tenting his sweat pants.

Spooning might yet happen but Deran was going to see to all of Adrian’s needs first.

“Bedroom. Now.” His voice was all gravelly and with someone else it might’ve been embarrassing but this was Adrian. 

Adrian know all of his quirks and kinks and habits and the guy hadn’t run away yet.

Deran yanked his clothing off, keeping watch as Adrian did the same. His balance was still off but he steadied himself on the bed instead of tripping over it so it seemed like progress.

“Do you trust me to take care of you?” Deran pulled out the lube. They were both clean and hadn’t used condoms since before they’d moved in together. 

Adrian bit his lip. “I’m not gonna last long.”

“Then let’s make it worth your while. In the middle of the bed, hands and knees.” Deran figured that would be the steadiest position. Not to mention Adrian couldn’t put his head through the drywall from that far away.

Crawling forward, Adrian looked over his shoulder at Deran. He was a beautiful sight. He was slimmer but he still had the swimmer’s build with wide shoulders, small waist and his biceps, although smaller, still bulged as he leaned his weight on them.

Deran slicked up his hand before palming himself. He coated his dick before squirting more lube into his right hand, Adrian’s heated stare watching his every move.

Moving up behind Adrian, Deran decided a direct line of attack would work. Later they could change things up, but for now he wanted to get Adrian off as quick as he could so he could rest.

Well, that and Deran didn’t want to wait any longer either. 

His left arm was weaker but he could still use it so he folded it across Adrian’s chest. He snaked his right hand between Adrian’s parted thighs, clutching the base of Adrian’s dick and his full balls. He squeezed, enjoying Adrian’s gasp.

Adrian’s hips jerked in his grasp, just like Deran knew they would. His lover got off on being manhandled and held down as long as it stayed on the light side of pain.

“Der-an,” Adrian panted as Deran’s hand formed a fist and he stroked up Adrian’s dick.

Deran’s own dick thickened and hardened, waiting impatiently to sink into Adrian’s heat.

Adrian groaned a protest when Deran quit touching him but he needed more lube if he was going to loosen Adrian up. The complaint turned into a mewl as Deran sunk his index finger into Adrian’s hole up to the first knuckle. Adrian widened his legs, giving Deran more room, as he bowed his back and rested his head on his bent arms.

“Still okay?” Usually Deran didn’t have to check but he didn’t want to cause a set back here.

“So very okay. More, please?” Adrian’s voice was all breathy which always did something to Deran. 

Adrian was so tight, and hot, and Deran thought about bringing him off just by fingering him.

“I want…you…in me…please.” Adrian’s voice hitched every time Deran rubbed his prostate and he fucking loved it.

“Okay, babe, I’m not gonna last either.” Deran could tell once he pushed in he’d lose it.

He withdrew his fingers to Adrian’s protests but Deran distracted him by fondling his nipple with his right hand. As Deran squeezed slowly and relentlessly, Adrian keened.

Adrian pushed upward, until he was kneeling, restless in Deran’s grip. 

That’s what Deran had been waiting for. As soon as he released Adrian he plunged into his hole.

Adrian’s head fell back against Deran’s shoulder, his right arm flailing at the motion, his inner muscles massaging Deran’s dick. 

Deran tucked away the sight of Adrian flailing; it might just be the hottest thing he’d ever seen and in the future he planned on seeing how often he could make it happen.

Adrian’s body tightened and with a wail he lost his load.

Any other thoughts left Deran’s head as his hips plunged back and forth before he lost his rhythm.

Lost his reason.

His sight grayed out around the edges as it always did when he was with Adrian.

Once he caught his breath, Deran lowered Adrian to the bed, his body trying to hold on to Deran’s dick even as gravity worked against it. Deran flopped next to Adrian, his hand on his lover’s back, just enjoying the contact.

Bodily fluids were fine in the moment but now that it was time for Adrian to rest, Deran wanted to make him comfortable. “Hey, do you still want that shower?”

Although Deran had carted Adrian’s body wash to the hospital and Adrian had appreciated it he had mentioned on the ride home how the first thing he wanted to do was use their shower. 

“Mmmmm.” Deran took that to mean that Adrian wasn’t capable of moving at the moment.

“Be right back.” Rolling out of bed, Deran went to the bathroom and dampened a wash cloth. He grabbed a towel, too, so that Adrian didn’t catch a chill.

Deran was more aware of keeping Adrian healthy and comfortable since his stay in the hospital but he couldn’t exactly say it was a new thing for him; he’d been trying to take care of Adrian for years.

After cleaning Adrian off he swiped at himself. It took a little maneuvering but by rolling Adrian to one side, he was able to pull back the covers and settle his boyfriend between the sheets. Adrian crinkled his nose and moaned a protest but he allowed Deran to move him this way and that.

At last Deran had made Adrian as comfortable as he could. He draped his aching left arm around Adrian’s waist and snuggled up behind him. 

For the first time since their collision on the surf board, Deran was able to fully relax. The spectacular sex certainly was a factor but Deran knew it was something else.

Adrian was back in his arms, under his roof, where he belonged.

-0-

Deran hadn’t spent a lot of time around Craig so he didn’t want to blow him off. Adrian would benefit from the exercise and Smurf had cleared off for business reasons so Deran didn’t see a reason to refuse Craig’s invitation to join him at the house and hang in the pool.

Adrian seemed unsure although he couldn’t really articulate why.

“Smurf will be gone. You love the pool. What could go wrong?” Deran coaxed. 

Shrugging, Adrian tugged on the bottom of the t-shirt with his weak hand. It was a new nervous habit and Deran didn’t have the heart to tell Adrian that it made him look like a little kid fidgeting. 

It didn’t help that Adrian’s clothing no longer fit tightly, hanging and gapping as though he was playing dress up. Deran knew Adrian’s appetite would pick up with the exercise and he’d start gaining back some of the weight he’d lost and he’d get stronger.

They just needed to be patient. Patience when it came to Adrian wasn’t Deran’s strong suit.

Adrian smiled but it looked forced. “I guess it would be nice to see Craig.”

Deran loaded Adrian into the van. He didn’t force conversation and by the time they arrived at the house, Adrian seemed more relaxed. He’d raised his chin up, soaking up the sun, and he seemed happier about the outing.

Craig bounced out to meet them. “Hey, Adrian, looking good. Thanks for chaperoning Deran here.”

His brother gave Adrian the one-armed bro hug but he toned down the exuberance. Craig had made one visit to the hospital after Adrian woke up and he’d been visibly shaken once he’d seen Adrian’s weakened condition. He’d kept in touch with Deran by phone and had asked after Adrian after that but this was the first time he’d seen them in a couple of weeks.

Adrian smiled but he looked over his shoulder as though he was expecting someone else to show up.

“Come on, let’s check out the water.” Dean knew the exercise would be good for Adrian and if it served as a distraction that was even better. This was supposed to be a relaxing outing and so far, Adrian was having trouble settling down.

Craig kept up a running commentary about local gossip and the surfing scene. Deran tried to follow along as he floated next to his brother, but most of his attention was on Adrian who was doing the breaststroke across the length of the pool. He’d been at it a while and Deran didn’t want to say anything—he wasn’t Adrian’s parent—but he didn’t want Adrian to overdo it.

Of course, that’s what Adrian did—threw himself into whatever activity he was doing whole heartedly at the time.

“Yo, bro, you want a beer of something?” Craig splashed water in his face when Deran turned at the sound of his voice.

Deran spit out the water, glaring at his brother.

Craig raised an eyebrow in challenge; it was frustrating that Craig could stand in this part of the pool while Deran had to tread water. 

He scowled. 

Craig smiled.

Adrian began to cough.

Before Deran could say anything, Craig was at Adrian’s side. “We’re taking a break. You want something to drink?”

His boyfriend probably would’ve balked if Deran had told him to take a break but Adrian didn’t mind it coming from Craig.

Adrian kicked toward the edge of the pool, hand on the side. “Water?” He coughed some more.

Craig hoisted himself out of the water. “Sounds like you already swallowed some but sure, one water coming up.”

Deran kept his mouth shut as Adrian made his way to the steps. Adrian slowly climbed up the stairs, sinking down onto one of the chaise lounges. Water streamed off of him but it didn’t seem to bother him. 

Following behind, Deran snagged a couple of towels. Adrian was bent over, forearms resting on his thighs, as Deran held one out. “Here.” 

Adrian peeked at Deran through his wet fringe, face drawn with fatigue although he was smiling.

“On second thought, let me blot some water off of you and then you can catch some z’s.” Deran threw the towel over Adrian’s hair and buffed him like he was detailing a car with a chamois. Adrian’s laughter spilled out from beneath the cotton barrier but he didn’t push Deran away.

Deran laid the other towel behind Adrian’s back and then pushed him backward, lifting his feet and turning him so he reclined on the chaise lounge. 

Adrian’s eyelids fluttered and Deran knew he needed to recharge his battery. He started to move off but Adrian snagged his hand, smiling up at him. “Thanks. This is nice.”

His heart felt like it just might burst out of his chest. Deran fucking lived for taking care of Adrian and he didn’t require his gratitude. He just wanted his boyfriend to recover. Bending over he pressed a quick kiss to Adrian’s lips before moving into the house.

He found Craig in the kitchen, digging in the back of the fridge. “So how’s it really been around here?” 

Deran thought about mentioning the no alcohol condition on Adrian’s probation but then he figured if Frank knew they were drinking a couple of beers within spitting distance of Adrian they had bigger problems. 

Craig handed Deran a Ballast Point IPA. “Surprisingly quiet. Smurf’s got her hands full with Pope and J, well, something’s going on with that kid. But no murder or mayhem.”

Deran felt a slight pang of regret. He thought he’d gotten closer to J but he hadn’t seen him in over a month. He’d been so busy with Adrian’s health crisis he hadn’t been around for either his nephew or his older brother. 

He knew Pope was struggling now that Lena was gone and if he had too much time on his hands…that was a recipe for disaster. “I’ll have to call Pope later.”

“Probably a good idea. You two have been closer lately. Speaking of closer, how are things with Adrian?” Craig pulled out another bottle of the IPA and a water. 

Taking a sip of his beer, Deran smiled. “Really good. He’s getting better every day. I just wish I knew what was going on with his court case. His memory is kind of spotty and I know his PO, Boomer, is worried about something.”

“That’s shitty. Will this Boomer guy talk to you?” Craig gulped from the bottle. 

“Maybe? I don’t know. Before Adrian ended up in the hospital, he asked me to trust him. I’m trying but not knowing what the fuck is going on is brutal.” Deran drank some more. He looked around. “Is Frankie still hanging around?”

Craig blushed; it wasn’t unheard of but it was pretty funny. Not that Deran had a leg to stand on when it came to that shit—just looking at Adrian was enough to make him blush sometimes.

“She, uh, had to leave for a while. But I think she’ll be back.” Craig kind of stammered through his explanation and Deran knew there was more to the story. “Anyway, we should take Adrian his water.”

“He’s probably fast asleep but we can talk out by the pool. Once he’s asleep he’s usually down for the count.” Deran headed toward the pool but stopped in his tracks as he saw someone looming over Adrian.

Smurf.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Deran growled. 

Craig stood behind him, looking out the glass French door. “Shit. She wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.”

Deran couldn’t hear what Smurf was saying but the look on her face was one of pure loathing.

He almost broke the door yanking it open, hotfooting it over to where Smurf hovered over Adrian’s chair.

Over Adrian.

“Hey, baby, how are you?” Smurf rearranged her face into something resembling a welcome but Deran had seen enough.

He hadn’t thought Smurf would ever hurt Adrian because of Deran’s feelings for him. Hell, she’d recommended a lawyer for Adrian so Deran had thought she was cool with the relationship.

Smurf had to know if she did something to Adrian that Deran would tear down her world. Of course, Smurf probably thought he’d never catch her. 

Maybe it was crazy to put so much stock in the expression on her face but Deran trusted his instincts.

His instincts said to take Adrian and run.

“Hey, Smurf. Adrian’s not doing so well so I need to get him home.” Deran wasn’t going to let her know he was on to her. He could only hope his expression matched his disinterested tone.

“But this is the first time I’ve seen you in over a month. Why don’t you stay for dinner?” Smurf pouted at him and Deran’s stomach did a slow roll.

Deran shook his head. “Not tonight but how about later in the week?” 

Later in the week Deran hoped to have a plan to contain the situation.

Smurf walked up to him and brushed her red lips across his cheek. “Any time you want, baby. You just say the word.”

She sashayed into the house.

Deran quickly moved to Adrian’s side. “Adrian, you’ve got to wake up.” He kept his voice low but even he could hear the panic in it.

Lately Adrian had been difficult to rouse but his eyes snapped open. “Deran?”

“Yeah, we need to book. Come on.” Deran helped Adrian to his feet. He kept his arm around his waist, guiding him around the pool toward the driveway.

“What’s wrong?” Adrian kept his feet moving and tried not to lean too much on Deran but his balance was still shaky.

Deran tugged Adrian closer to his side, yanking him further off balance. The closer he kept Adrian, the safer he’d be. 

As he tucked Adrian into the passenger seat of the van, Deran realized he hadn’t answered Adrian.

And Adrian was wide awake, his fingers convulsing spasmodically where he gripped the bottom of his board shorts.

Deran’s fingers did the same where they gripped the wheel.

He’d thought he’d had a grip on the situation, that things were improving, but it had been an illusion

-0-

After rinsing off in the shower, Adrian had sacked out in the bedroom. Deran took the opportunity to text Pope. _What’s up?_

He didn’t receive a response right away although that didn’t really surprise him. He kept himself distracted from the current situation by straightening the house. He was contemplating cleaning the bathroom when he heard at knock.

Looking through the peephole—he’d learned his lesson after his first meeting with Boomer—he saw Pope. 

“Hey, come on in.” Deran swung the door wide and Pope strolled into the house. His head swiveled as he took in every detail of the open concept kitchen and living room area. 

There were dirty glasses sitting on the counter and Pope’s attention focused right on them. Deran held his breath, waiting for some sort of lecture on the evils of unwashed dishes, but Pope surprised him. “Smurf has to be stopped.”

He deflated, all of his energy draining out of him with twisted relief. “I know.” Although Deran wasn’t sure if Pope meant Smurf needed to be run out of town or permanently taken care of.

Pope nodded his head. “I’ve got a plan. It’ll be painless.”

That answered that question. Deran knew he should feel something—upset, sad, angry—but relief was the primary emotion. “What do you need me to do?”

“Nothing. I’ve got this. I just wanted you to know.” Pope’s expression was stoic but his light brown eyes were wide, the pupils jumping around.

Deran nodded, overwhelmed with gratitude. It really sucked that things had come to this—that his brother killing his mother was something to appreciate—but hey, what could he do? He’d been born into one fucked-up family. 

Feet shifting restlessly, Deran realized he was responding to Pope’s nervous energy. His brother practically vibrated in place despite the mask of indifference he wore.

What was Pope’s endgame? Jesus, he’d better not be thinking—

“You’re, uh, not going to make this a suicide attack, right?” Deran didn’t want details but he also didn’t want anything to happen to Pope. In the last six months they’d finally gotten closer. Deran felt guilty he hadn’t been around lately but Adrian’s situation had consumed him. 

As if just thinking of the guy was enough to make him appear, Deran heard Adrian moving around in the bedroom.

Pope looked at the closed bedroom door. “You guys okay?”

“I think you’re about to make it so I don’t have to worry about Adrian’s situation anymore.” Deran didn’t address his own situation. If Adrian was safe, Deran would be good.

Better than good.

“Yeah, Smurf has always hated him. Even when he was just a long-haired pipsqueak. Don’t think she ever thought he’d be more important to you than her though. That’s Smurf for you—hubris.” 

Someone pounded on the door, making Deran jump. He was twitchy. He’d just had confirmation Smurf hated Adrian’s guts, Pope was going to address the problem…it seemed like the perfect time for bad shit to happen.

Pope motioned him away and approached the door. He looked out the peephole, shoulders relaxing. He whipped open the door. “Craig.”

His other brother skittered into the house, eyes wild. “He did it. He killed her.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Deran wasn’t following. Pope couldn’t have killed Smurf since he’d been standing here talking to him.

Pope crossed his arms over his chest. “J?”

Craig ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Yeah. It was like a shoot-out in a Western. He took off, who the hell knows where.”

“How do you know Smurf’s dead?” Deran thought Smurf had more than nine lives so he needed some sort of proof. 

“He blew her fucking head off. There ain’t no coming back from that.” Craig sunk down onto to the futon, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

“Did anyone see you leave the house?” Pope was the most level-headed at the moment.

“Nah, I noticed someone turned the security system off as I booked it. There shouldn’t be any record of me taking off.” Craig took a deep breath, held it, and then exhaled. “Or J come to think of it.”

Pope was always the pragmatic one. “They’re going to look at all of us, hard. We were all here, together, meeting for dinner.”

Craig looked up, nodding his head. ‘Yeah. About fucking time Deran hosted dinner for us in his new digs.” He was looking a little more composed now that there was a plan.

Deran went to the refrigerator and started checking its contents. He had the ingredients to throw together some tacos. He could add some cans of Ranch Beans in with the seasoned ground beef so he’d have enough to feed four guys. 

“I’ll go get us some Coronas.” Craig volunteered while Deran tended to the ground beef and Ranch Beans as they simmered on the stovetop.

Pope beat Deran to the punch. “No can do. Adrian probably has a no alcohol condition as a part of his probation.” 

Yeah, Deran supposed Pope would know. Of the Codys he’d spent the most time behind bars. And on probation.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s cool. We don’t need beer.” Craig sounded mournful about the lack of Coronas and Deran understood it; it was an unbeatable combination with tacos but he just couldn’t take any chances when it came to Adrian.

Ever.

Adrian finally emerged from the bedroom, hair messy, cheek creased with wrinkles, but his color was better than it had been before their adventure at the swimming pool. “Hey, guys.” He looked at the stovetop, eyebrows raised. “Taco Tuesday?”

His boyfriend didn’t even question the appearance of Deran’s brothers. Come to think of it, Adrian had never had a problem with anyone in Deran’s orbit except Smurf. 

Apparently, the feeling had been mutual. 

Deran felt like a clueless idiot for never noticing it. Although Smurf and Adrian had been the two most influential people in his life so maybe it made sense he’d turned a blind eye to their distrust of each other.

Shit. He was already thinking of Smurf in the past tense.

This was surreal.

Another knock at the door interrupted Deran’s thoughts.

Adrian opened the door to Frank Boomer. 

Deran’s day was complete.

He heard Adrian invite his probation officer inside. “You’re just in time for Taco Tuesday. Knowing Deran, there will be plenty of food. Do you want to join us?”

Pushing the contents of the skillet around, Deran quietly snorted. Wouldn’t that be a cozy fivesome? He could only imagine what the conversation would be like with Pope and Frank Boomer at the same table—ex parole and officer of the law. Add in Craig’s unpredictable mouth and it would be one for the history books.

“How long has this been in the works?” Frank kept his face passive. He neither accepted nor declined.

He knew something.

Adrian filled the silence. “Me and Deran hung out with Craig at the pool for a while, came back here so I could crash, and now we’re entertaining our first guests since we moved in here. Other than you, of course. I’d offer you a beer but my PO is a real hard-ass.” 

Deran heard the smile in Adrian’s voice. Since Adrian didn’t know anything about Smurf and J, he was selling their innocence without any of them having to open their mouths and lie.

When Adrian had come out of his coma and couldn’t remember the big guy, Deran could tell it had hurt him. Fortunately, by the next day Adrian remembered Frank. The probation officer had spent a lot of time at the hospital and he’d been less of an asshole. Friendly with Adrian. Tolerant, verging on friendly, with Deran.

Frank unbent enough to give a bark of laughter. “Yeah, I’ve heard that about him.”

“I know we’ve got some Coke, let me get you one of those. And I need to introduce you to our guests. Frank, I’d like you to meet Pope and Craig. Guys, this is my friend Frank.”

Craig offered his hand first for a firm shake. “Nice to meet you, man.”

Pope offered his hand somewhat grudgingly but that was Pope.

Deran sketched a wave while he pretended the skillet needed more attention than was necessary. “Hey, Frank.”

Adrian brushed a kiss against Deran’s cheek before he pulled a Coke out of the refrigerator. “Anyone else ready for another drink?”

Deran wondered if Adrian was confused because he’d said _another drink_. 

Then again Adrian was clever and could’ve picked up on some of the tension and was trying to diffuse it. 

“Thank you. I can’t stay. I just stopped by to give you an update, Adrian.” Frank looked ill ease as he looked everyone in the eye before his attention settled on Adrian.

“Uh, okay?” Adrian moved next to Deran.

Flicking the heat off, Deran moved the skillet to a cool burner and put the lid on it. The flavors needed to meld for a while before they ate anyway. That’s assuming they got the chance to eat.

He didn’t like the way Frank was looking at Adrian. He cleared his throat. “What’s up, Frank?”

“We should probably speak in private.” Frank insisted.

Adrian bit his lip nervously. “I want Deran to hear whatever it is you have to say.” 

“He might as well. It pertains to him, too.” Frank really didn’t seem happy. 

Pope moved toward the French door, snagging Craig’s arm. 

Craig looked like he wanted to protest but he allowed himself to be towed along. “I guess we’ll be out on the beach. Just holler when it’s clear.” The door closed firmly behind them.

“Please, you’re freaking me out.” Adrian’s eyes were wide and panicky looking. “Do I have to go back to jail?”

“What? No, of course not. I just wanted to let you know your testimony isn’t needed anymore, the offer for Witness Protection is off the table.” Frank stared at Adrian for a reaction.

Deran was reeling at this bit of news. _Witness Protection?_

“What are you talking about?” He finally found his voice.

“That was the big secret. The Feds wanted Adrian here to roll over on, what was her nickname? Smurf. Your mother. She’s the one who set him up.” The PO’s attention had shifted to Deran.

Deran didn’t have to fake his shock. 

He’d almost taken Smurf up on her offer to find Adrian legal counsel when he’d been arrested. What a disaster that would’ve been since Smurf had seemingly set up Adrian to take the fall at the airport.

It made sense when considering who controlled the drug trade in Oceanside. Deran just hadn’t realized Smurf hated Adrian enough to get him out of the way like this. 

It was a surgical strike, all precision, and it had almost worked. 

It was vintage Smurf.

But why the fuck had Adrian kept this a secret from Deran?

Adrian pressed against his side. “Okay, not that I was ever going to agree to go into Witness Protection but what’s changed?”

“I’m sorry, Deran. Janine Cody is dead.”

Deran felt the blood drain from his face and there was a weird whooshing noise in his ears.

Adrian made a strangled yelp from somewhere next to him.

He could hear Frank cussing in the distance, his voice sounded like he was under water. “Steady, Deran. I can’t catch you both.”

Whatever the fuck that meant.

Bracing his hands on his knees, Deran bent over at the waist. He concentrated on slow, steady breaths.

Once the spots cleared from his vision and his hearing had returned to normal, Deran straightened upright. 

Adrian was slumped into the corner of the couch, Frank hovering.

Deran elbowed Frank aside; it was his job to hover. “Hey, you okay?”

Adrian’s pupils were dilated and he was shivering despite the warmth in the room. “I’m so sorry, Deran.” His boyfriend caught his hand and pulled him down on to the couch next to him. Deran went down in a graceless tumble but Adrian proceeded to wrap his arms around Deran’s neck and hug him. Hard.

Pulling himself together, Adrian asked the big question. “How did it happen?”

“I don’t know the details but it appears someone broke into her house and shot her. I’m sorry I ruined your evening, boys. Adrian, I’ll stop by tomorrow.” Frank did sound sorry. It was weird.

The whole day had been weird.

Frank left and with him silence descended.

Footsteps coming up the stairs alerted him to the impending arrival of his brothers. They must’ve seen Frank take off. 

Adrian gave Deran one more squeeze. “I’m really fucking sorry, Deran. I know you had your differences with Smurf but this sucks for you.”

The weirdness kept growing. Adrian couldn’t stand Smurf but he genuinely sounded sorry on Deran’s behalf.

Adrian had known Smurf had set him up yet he was still sorry that she had died. 

He wiped the moisture from his face as he heard Adrian greeting his brothers with the news. 

Craig and Pope would keep up the lie of not having knowledge of Smurf’s fate, if only so Adrian would be able to testify to that fact if needed.

Deran realized he wouldn’t have to act much if called upon. The news of her death, delivered by an impartial third party, had really hit him hard.

-0-

The three brothers had decided they needed to have a funeral in order to keep up appearances. For a while he’d thought it was going to be more of a celebration—ding dong the witch is dead—but it had been a more somber affair than Deran could’ve predicted.

They’d been in total agreement on everything. It had been a family with significant others only kind of funeral made up of Pope and Amy, Craig and Frankie, and Deran and Adrian. Well, Adrian was the only official significant other but Deran had to admit Amy and Frankie both had a calming effect on his brothers. 

Smurf had been buried next to Baz’s plot. The ones she insisted were needed. The ones she’d shelled out the money for. 

Adrian was entertaining Amy and Frankie in the beach house while Pope and Craig kept a chain-smoking Deran company.

“I wish we’d gone with a Paddle-Out. The cemetery was fucking depressing.” Craig lamented as he stared at the crashing surf.

Deran snorted. “You just want to be out in the waves.”

“I feel sorry for Baz. He’s stuck next to the person who ordered his hit for eternity.” Pope’s lip curled.

Crushing the cigarette butt beneath his shoe, Deran’s attention focused completely on his oldest brother. “What the fuck? You didn’t think that was something we needed to know?”

Craig started to laugh. It had a hysterical edge to it but it was less panicked than his tears at the cemetery had been. 

They’d all been a mess. Except Adrian. Adrian had been a pillar of strength.

Pope stepped in Craig’s direction. “Do I need to slap you?”

Noise burst out of Deran’s mouth, laughter machine-gun style. “Jesus, Pope, you just might slap him silly. Sillier?”

“What’s so fucking funny?” Pope demanded, bewildered, as they both laughed.

Craig finally composed himself. “I hope Baz makes Smurf miserable. He always had a way of getting under her skin.”

Deran’s laughter trailed off. “No shit.”

Pope was the one who broke the silence this time. “What did you tell the cops about the kid?”

J had apparently killed Smurf and disappeared. Deran had a lot of questions for the guy but he wasn’t sure they’d ever see, or hear, from him again. He’d known J was in a bad place from the moment he’d come to live with them but Deran had been too self-absorbed to give it much thought or attention.

Now, when he would’ve liked to get to know Julia’s son more he’d taken off. Deran could only hope he was safe.

“I told ‘em J wasn’t at home. That he’d gone out of town with his girl.” Craig volunteered. 

It was the same story he’d shared with Deran before he was interviewed. “Yeah, same. I couldn’t even tell Dumb and Dumber his girlfriend’s name though. I don’t think they believed me but I bet they talk to Adrian’s PO and find out I’ve been a little bit busy lately.”

Deran wasn’t sure Frank would ever be out of their lives completely; he’d taken a shine to Adrian, like he wanted to parent him. Deran didn’t see himself trying to put a stop to it because Adrian could maybe use a parental figure in his life. 

Thinking of parental figures, Deran was grateful Billy hadn’t shown up in the middle of this shit storm. He kept waiting for his old man to pop up out of the woodwork but so far, he’d been quiet.

Pope rubbed his chin. “Pretty much what I said. They wanted to know why the security system had been turned off but I couldn’t help them with that. I was out with Amy.”

The most likely story was that J had done it. 

Deran had another chilling thought—maybe Smurf had done it when she’d come home and found Adrian poolside. She’d always been one to take advantage of an opportunity and maybe he and Craig had kept her from doing something right then and there.

He had the sudden urge to see Adrian.

Just as he was on the verge of making an excuse to go back inside, Amy and Frankie descended the stairs, joining them on the beach. 

Amy moved right into Pope’s space and he didn’t tense up. Maybe this chick would be good for his brother. 

The blond cleared her throat. “I’m really sorry but I need to get going.”

Pope slung his arm around her. “I’ll drop you off.”

Frankie walked up to Craig. “We still going to do that thing?”

Craig looked perplexed but then his face melted into a smile. “Yeah. Let’s do that thing.”

The brothers were all hugged out from earlier so they parted with casual goodbyes and a plan to meet up the next day.

Deran trooped upstairs and went inside. Adrian wasn’t in the kitchen or living room so Deran poked his head in their bedroom. “Hey, everything okay?”

Adjusting the darkness, Deran saw Adrian yanking his nice shirt and pants off. “I’m fine. How are you doing?” 

Maybe it was trying to come to terms with Smurf’s death or that he was overwhelmed with Adrian’s beauty but Deran became embarrassed as his eyes filled with tears.

“Okay, guess that answers that question. Let’s get you comfortable.” Adrian maneuvered Deran this way and that while he peeled his clothes off of him. He even rolled his boxer-briefs down his body, tapping each leg so Deran could step out of them.

Adrian pushed and pulled him until Deran was sliding beneath the sheets. His boyfriend soon joined him, flipping Deran on his side; Adrian was playing big spoon to Deran’s little spoon.

Usually Deran would object to the manhandling and spooning but right now it was a balm to his soul. It had been a shitty day only made bearable by Adrian’s presence at his side.

Something nudged him in the rear. Adrian tugged Deran closer, speaking softly in his ear. “Just ignore my body. It’ll settle down.”

Deran’s body perked up. He couldn’t help it; it was how he was conditioned. Adrian showed interest and Deran’s dick reciprocated. 

“I don’t think I want it to settle down.” Deran took Adrian’s right hand and moved it from where it rested on his abdomen to his dick.

Adrian squeezed, obligingly. “You know we don’t have to do anything now. You’ve had a pretty rough day.”

“And I think _this_ is exactly what I need. What do they call it? A life affirming act?” Deran’s voice was gruff. 

As usual it didn’t act as a deterrent to Adrian who knew him inside and out. “Okay. Will you let me take care of you?”

Deran shivered. “Yeah. That would be…yeah.” 

Adrian worked his magic, massaging Deran’s dick and rolling his balls in his hand. When the angle no longer worked, Adrian pushed Deran to his back. Deran opened his mouth to protest the lack of contact and whimpered as moist heat engulfed his erect dick. 

Thanks to Adrian and his love of obscure facts, Deran knew the tongue was made up of eight different muscles. Jesus, his lover knew how to work all eight of those muscles. Adrian backed off of Deran’s dick, licking from the base, up and down the entire shaft, rolling his tongue around the sides. 

Adrian treated Deran’s dick like it was a lollipop and it fucking drove Deran crazy.

Just when he thought he’d explode, Adrian gently kissed and licked the tip. Adrian cupped Deran’s ballsack with one hand and added gentle pressure, keeping him in check. 

Once Deran had regained control, Adrian recommenced the torture, sucking the tip back into his mouth. His damned tongue was at it again, swirling around the tip and down the shaft.

The tension built back up, pleasure pooling in the small of his back, wrapping around his crotch, making him ache in the best possible way. 

Even though he knew it was coming, Adrian engulfed Deran once again—all the way into his throat, surprising a groan out of him—and then tunneled his hands beneath Deran and grabbed his ass. Adrian, using those still strong biceps, hauled him closer. 

Squeezing. 

While sucking.

Deran wanted to slow things down but when Adrian yanked him even closer, he lost the battle, climaxing.

It took a while for the spots to recede from his vision. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw Adrian, pink faced with saliva and cum smeared across his lips, staring down at him.

“Come here.” Deran hauled Adrian down into his arms. Once he caught his breath, he reached under the bed and grabbed some wet wipes; Adrian wasn’t quite as fastidious about post coital clean-up as he was dental hygiene but it was close. He cleaned Adrian’s face off, dropping the wipes to the rug. Wet wipes were easier than going into the bathroom for a washcloth.

He probably could’ve gone to sleep but Adrian’s erection was so hard it was like having another body in the bed. “We should take care of that.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Adrian snuggled closer. It always amazed Deran how Adrian could ignore his dick when it was in that state. Then again Adrian was into orgasm denial and some other kinky shit that Deran loved so he wasn’t going to complain.

He was, however, going to take care of Adrian. It would require ceding control to some degree but this was Adrian, the person he trusted most.

This time he fumbled in the nightstand drawer for the lube. He dropped it on Adrian’s hip, watching it slide to the bed. “Get me ready.”

It was a statement, not a question; there was only so much control Deran could give up. He’d always wanted to call the shots where he could but the whole health scare with Adrian, followed by Smurf setting Adrian up or worse, had shown him how little control he actually had.

At least when it came to sex with Adrian, he still had a say.

Adrian planted his elbow on the bed, perching the side of his face on his palm. Staring. Jesus, Deran could get lost in his dark blue eyes. 

“Are you sure about this?” Adrian looked so serious. Concerned. 

Deran reached between Adrian’s legs and squeezed. “Very sure. Show me what you got.”

Adrian gasped, his eyes lighting up. He grabbed the lube, slicking up his right hand, and without hesitation, began massaging Deran’s taint. Deran planted his feet on the bed to give his boyfriend easier access.

He’d already been relaxed but something about having that area stimulated turned his limbs to cooked pasta. If he wasn’t going to completely zone out, although that had its own appeal, Deran needed to do something. He swiped the lube and coated his right hand; he couldn’t wait until his left arm was back to full strength. He took his time spreading the lube on Adrian’s dick which wasn’t easy as Adrian swayed and dipped while he worked Deran open.

Deran’s dick twitched when one of Adrian’s seeking fingers nudged his prostate. He’d always found it an enjoyable feeling but it didn’t turn him into a mindless sex fiend like it did when Adrian’s prostate was stimulated.

Adrian who had an intense look of concentration on his face as he made sure Deran was ready to receive him. 

Deran gave in to the need to let Adrian know how he felt. He’d felt this way for years but it wasn’t until Adrian had been laid up in the hospital that he realized he wanted to say the words. Needed Adrian to hear them. “Hey, I love you.” 

His boyfriend paused, keeping his face averted. “Yeah, that’s just your dick talking.”

Cupping his hand behind Adrian’s neck—leaving smears of lube behind—Deran pulled Adrian toward him. “No, my dick is spent. It’s my heart talking.” He had a moment to register Adrian’s surprise before he sucked his boyfriend’s lower lip into his mouth, his tongue toying with the flesh. 

When Adrian gasped Deran turned the contact into a heated kiss; Adrian melted into him. 

With a low moan, Adrian tore his mouth away. “I love you, too. You knew that, right? Everything I’ve ever done when it comes to us has come from how I feel about you.”

A quick flush of anger heated Deran. “You mean like trying to protect me about the drug bust?” 

Adrian’s look of happiness faded, his eyes gaining a liquid sheen. “She was the most important person in your world for a really long time, good or bad.”

Deran didn’t want to acknowledge it but it was true. Smurf was gone and Adrian was here. That was the most important thing, Adrian being here. “Why are we talking about this now? Come on, let’s do this.”

Without warning, Deran flipped their positions so that Adrian was on his back. Deran straddled him, watching Adrian’s face to make sure he was comfortable. Comfortable with the position, comfortable with Deran being on top.

Adrian’s eyes widened, his left pupil trying to stray. They both needed rest. Deran was going to bring Adrian off as quick as he could so they both could crash.

It had been a while but Deran knew how to position himself, bracing Adrian’s erection in one hand, lowering himself slowly. Being filled like this made him feel closer to Adrian but it was too soon and his dick wasn’t ready to go again. He wasn’t in his teens anymore. Not that he’d want to be—those were some of his most stressful years.

Adrian’s dick was more than ready, twitching and growing, making his boyfriend groan and writhe beneath him. When Adrian closed his eyes, biting his lip, Deran raised upward only to drop himself back down.

“Der-an.” It was a plea for more and Deran accepted the challenge. Seeing Adrian beneath him, flushed with want, rejuvenated Deran. His bouncing and grinding became frantic. Adrian reached out with his right hand, maybe to touch Deran’s face. Maybe to tweak a nipple.

Deran swiveled his hips and Adrian’s arm flailed. It came to rest next to his head. Adrian’s eyelashes were matted with moisture, his face and chest turning from pink to red. He was almost there. 

He applied himself some more, his own dick making a valiant attempt to rise, but the stimulation proved too much and Adrian’s body convulsed.

Covering his face with his hands, Adrian tried to hide away from Deran.

Deran wasn’t having any of it. He brushed Adrian’s hands aside and leaned forward, their bodies squelching loudly. “Promise me, no more secrets. No more hiding from me.”

Adrian nodding his head slowly, staring up at Deran. “No more secrets. Or hiding.” He said the words solemnly. Breathlessly. Deran trusted him. 

Unwilling to let go yet, Deran rested his weight across Adrian. Adrian’s hands cradled him gently, one on an ass cheek and the other on his low back. 

No one had ever treated Deran like he was fragile. In need of care.

Except Adrian. It always came back to Adrian.

He nuzzled into the side of Adrian’s neck, planting a sloppy kiss on his sweaty neck. He was exhausted but it was a pleasurable exhaustion.

Deran knew he still had some control issues to work through. He couldn’t control everything, the last month had proven that like nothing else had before, but he was at a place where he could finally let go. Just a little.

He was beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The Drop was flourishing, he was on good terms with his brothers, the biggest obstacle in his life had been removed, and he had a home.

With Adrian.

That was, perhaps, his biggest achievement and he was going to do whatever it took to keep Adrian safe and happy.

 

Finis

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I did it--I killed off Smurf. I'm sorry, she had to go. She was messing with Adrian and that just wasn't going to fly. Never fear, she's alive and kicking in many of my other stories.
> 
> Did you notice the number of arm flails in this story? It's a thing now. There's even a discussion about it on Tumblr and everything. 
> 
> I'm actively writing on prompts for major illness, accidents (featuring unrequited love by request), hunger/starvation, motion sickness and with my next writing opportunity, sensory deprivation. That leaves loss of voice, asking for help, exhaustion, and the wildcard waiting for inspiration to strike. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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